The A's did unspeakably awful things to the Royals today. The team:

• Scored 17 runs.
• Put runs on the board in six of the nine innings.
• Scored multiple runs in four of those innings.
• Had 18 hits and seven walks.
• Smashed six homers and three doubles.
• Allowed just four hits to the Royals, none after the sixth inning.

The individual offensive player achievements in the game, from most awesome to least awesome:

• Dan Johnson went 4-4 with two homers, a double, a single, and walked twice. They never got him out. He had four RBI and four runs scored. And he was the front half of a back-to-back homer series with Jack Cust in the seventh.
• Jack Cust hit two bombs despite having only four major league at-bats in the last three years.
• Danny Putnam came on for an injured Chris Snelling and went 3-4 with two singles and his first big league homer.
• Eric Chavez popped his fourth homer of the year, a three-run shot.
• Shannon Stewart went 4-6 as the leadoff man, raising his batting average 20 points in the process. (Putnam's jump was even more dramatic - the kid's hitting over .200 now!)
• Todd Walker went 2-3 after coming in for Nick Swisher in the fifth inning.
• Mark Ellis scored two runs despite going 0-4 (he had two walks).
• Marco Scutaro hit his first double of the year.
• Travis Buck scored a run as a pinch-runner. He also played defense.
• Nick Swisher walked again.
• Adam Melhuse went 0-6. (He's making it really hard for us Kendall-haters to advocate for a change - when he's the alternative, it's tough to make too much noise.)
• Chris Snelling went 0-2 and got hurt.